


The CEO: Part 1

by orphan_account



Series: Batman/Superman Office!AU [3]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Superman - All Media Types, Teen Titans - All Media Types
Genre: Comedy, Everyone Is An Asshole, F/F, M/M, incompetent employees, little bit of crack, office!AU, parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-07
Updated: 2016-03-07
Packaged: 2018-05-25 07:21:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6185680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An Office!AU that explores the lives of the employees of Kent-Wayne Industries.</p><p>Name: Bruce Wayne<br/>Age: 42<br/>Occupation: CEO of Kent-Wayne Industries<br/>Likes: silk sheets, champagne<br/>Dislikes: the media, tactlessness<br/>Number of Days Without a Work-Related Injury: 16<br/>Last Work-Related Injury: Titus ran into him and it made him drop his laptop on his foot</p>
            </blockquote>





	The CEO: Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> UPDATE: [My Tumblr](http://burningice2.tumblr.com/)

**I. The Work Policies**

This was absolutely ridiculous.

These people were his employees, not his children, so he didn’t understand why they felt the need to act like they were. It should be obvious what constituted as appropriate workplace behavior. Jason definitely didn’t understand that drinking from a flask during his performance review was inappropriate. Tim—he expected so much more from him—didn’t understand that sending a mass email to everyone in the company letting them know that there would be a get well soon party for Conner and his imaginary hemorrhoids was inappropriate. _His own son_ didn’t understand that spitting on the reps from Queen Industries for asking the intern to get them coffee was inappropriate.

Bruce had been fine reprimanding everyone individually and in private. He liked having management deal with his employees’ unethical behavior more. But it was management’s fault that Bruce had to call a meeting on the second floor; he had to reserve a conference room for this waste of time. There had been an incident between one of his managers, Kate, got in an altercation with Cass, which needed to be immediately addressed, so Bruce let Clark take care of it.

That was obviously a mistake, because he had deemed the situation serious enough to hold a meeting on the second floor. He had typed up a list of rules that he wanted read to his employees, and he going to make Brue read them because his voice was more threatening.

“Thank you all for coming,” Clark greeted everyone. “It has come to Bruce’s and my attention that your behaviors have become a little…erratic as of late.” His husband was met with blank faces, and he looked at Bruce for help.

“Outside of this company, I have known most of you and your families for years. Some of you have even known each other for years. You have all become like family to me. But I need you to remember that although this company is a family, it is also a workplace, and I am not satisfied your conduct.” Bruce noticed that although some people had the decency to look guilty, the more stubborn employees, like Jason and his son, had the gall to roll their eyes.

“We have some work policies that we feel are necessary to re-brief,” Clark jumped in to liven the atmosphere. “All we ask is that you listen, take what we say into consideration, and do your best to act with integrity.” He nodded at Bruce to read off the list.

“Before we begin,” Bruce felt the need to say, “I would just like you all to know that Clark spent an hour typing this up and that this is not his job. As far as I am concerned, this meeting is a complete waste of time for everyone.” He glared at all of them and imagined what they all looked like if their heads were on fire. “Item one: if you must take your shoes off at your desks, said shoes must remain at said desk. Bart, stop stealing other people’s shoes. Rules state that employees can’t walk around without wearing them.”

“Bruce, maybe you can talk about this with Bart privately,” Clark suggested. He gave Bart an apologetic look.

“No, I don’t think I will,” Bruce mused. “You all want to act like children,” he announced to his employees, “then I will treat you like children. Maybe a little public humiliation will give you all an attitude adjustment.”

“Bruce,” Kate said warningly from her seat in the back. He ignored her.

“Next, I would like to address that disputes regarding private circumstances are to take place out of the office. Kate, the next time you accuse Cass of cheating in your football betting pool, do so on your own time. Dick, when you and Jason are in the same room, refrain from trying to slam his hand in doors and pretending to accidentally staple his finger. Your relationships with your co-workers would be healthier if you hadn’t dated half of my employees.”

Okay, that might have been harsh.

“I would also like to remind all of you that only food is to be stored in the break room refrigerators. They are not for your Lush facemasks, Cassie. If somebody’s food is labeled, you may not eat said food, Jason, Conner, Roy, and Wally.”

“Gross Daryl isn’t here, but I’d like to point out that he stored his dead bird in the freezer for a week,” Harper chimed in.

“Last month Jason masturbated into a shot gloss and left it in the freezer,” Kara said.

“Hey, it was a dare and I had a lot of bourbon that day,” Jason defended. “Wait, maybe it was just the bourbon…”

What was wrong with his employees?

“You’re disgusting,” Dick seethed from the other side of the room at Jason.

“You know, you had no problem with me shooting my load into your—”

 _“Enough!”_ Bruce yelled. “The language used around here is appalling! I’m sure Barbara is tired of having to schedule HR Mediations, because she has other duties to fulfill, as well.”

“Okay,” Clark said hastily, taking the paper out of Bruce’s hands. “I think I’ll just continue. Um…pulling pranks has never been and still isn’t allowed in the office.”

“I don’t like getting complaints from people about finding fish in their filing cabinets, _Wally_ and _Bart_ ,” Bruce snapped. The gingers slumped in their seats. 

“I would like to politely remind all of you that when you urinate, all of it must end up in the urinal…I’m looking at you, Jason,” Clark finished hurriedly. “Also, Conner, if you make a mess in the break room, you need to clean it up. Diana, when you reserve a conference room, you are only allowed to use it for the time allotted, and you always go over time. Barbara, you can’t keep starting bets; it distracts everyone from working.”

The more problems Clark rattled off of the list, the more he got into his role. Clark didn’t like to play the role of the authoritarian and rarely did so unless it was absolutely required of him, so watching his husband get into disciplining their employees was…kind of turning Bruce on. He enjoyed seeing this side of Clark in the bedroom, but he found that he was enjoying it just as much outside of it. If he wasn’t giving a talk on professional conduct, he would order everyone out of the room, close the door, and have Clark fuck him against the glass window.

“If there is anything else that his not been brought to our attention that some of you have complaints about, the floor is open.” Bruce glared at his husband who was unaware of what fresh hell he had just unleashed.

“I want to be invited to Tuesday poker nights,” Cassie said, standing up from her chair.

Jason groaned. “I’ve told you millions of times that poker nights are guys nights.”

“That’s sexist.”

“Poker nights aren’t company events or held on company property, so this is technically not a work-related issue.”

“I saw Bart put sugar in his coffee, stir the coffee with the same spoon, and then put it back in the sugar bow,” Cullen said. “It was weird.”

“Who’s Bart?” Jason asked.

“It’s me,” Bart said. “Come on, Dude.”

“Father, I caught Cain and Brown making out in Grayson’s office after hours.”

“Oh, please,” Stephanie spat. “You let your dog wander the building and he took a shit under my desk.”

“Mr. Wayne, Roy fixed my work phone so that when it rings, 'Me So Horny' is the ringtone,” Kori piped in. "A rep from Lex Corp was present during the incident, and it made us look very unprofessional."

“Dick broke another chair when he was showing Colin his acrobatics,” Diana said, sighing. “I hate having to explain that to finance.”

“Somebody left a condom in the toilet,” Cassie said, "so I’m assuming someone peed it out.”

“Good god,” Bruce muttered. He was going to be sick.

“I may have seen Dick watching some amateur porn on his work computer last week,” Kate said, “but that is yet to be determined because I didn’t get a good look—”

“Then why bring it up?” Dick shouted.

“Sorry,” Jason apologized as he stood up, “he must have seen me bend over to pick something up—”

“Shut up!” Dick yelled, looking close to tears.

“Speaking of bad porn, yesterday Conner emailed me a link to a video called ‘The Lord of the Cock-Rings: The Two Towers.’” Tim faced Conner form across the room. “You should be receiving an email from HR tomorrow, Jackass.”

Clark looked horrified. “Conner!” His son hid his face in his hand.

“That’s it. I can’t do this,” Bruce announced. “Clark, I apologize, but you’re going to have to handle this alone.”

He only felt a little bad for leaving his husband to the wolves.

 

 

 

 

**II. The Board Meeting**

Bruce glared at Damian from across the conference table. This was an important meeting, and the reason why he and Clark let their sons sit in these meetings was so that they could learn from them. Instead, the successor of his company was _clearly_ texting under the table.

And Bruce knew exactly who he was texting.

To Bruce’s knowledge, his son had entered his first healthy relationship. Over the past month, he noticed a drastic change in Damian’s attitude and demeanor. They were little changes, but noticeable ones. He had more patience, engaged in less arguments, and was overall…happy. Colin was a godsend, but Bruce could not have him distracting Damian from his work. Damian was most likely distracting Colin from his work, as well.

Bruce slowly pulled his phone out of his pocket and unlocked it. He pulled up his messages and found Damian’s name.

_Pay attention._

Bruce looked up and saw his son’s eyes widen momentarily before he regained his composure. He looked across the table at his father and sneered before going back to his phone. Bruce felt his own vibrate a few moments later.

_This man is a buffoon. I will learn nothing from him._

The mouth on that kid had to come from his mother.

_I don’t care. Pay attention or I’ll send you to the Los Angeles convention with Jason._

His son was openly scowling, not even bothering to pretend to pay attention.

_You would not dare._

“Mr. Wayne?” Bruce jumped in his seat and looked up at the board member who was currently presenting.

“I apologize,” he said smoothly, fighting the flush that he felt creeping up his neck. “My lawyer is trying to reach me. I’m afraid I must take this.” Clark gave him a confused look, but Bruce patted his knee in reassurance before standing up and exiting.

He took out his phone again as he retreated to his office and opened the message he was having with his son.

_I want you and Colin in my office in thirty minutes._

 

 

 

 

**III. The Copy Machine Incident**

“You all know why you’re here,” Bruce announced to his employees in the conference room. “An email was sent out from HR. I have a phone conference with the London branch in fifteen minutes, so I want to make this quick.” He held up the paper in his hand and displayed what was on it to everyone. “Whose butt is this?” he growled.

A series of giggling erupted from Wally and Bart in the front row. “He said butt,” the older whispered to the younger.

“Come forward now, and the only repercussion will be a meeting with Barbara,” Clark said. “We still need to figure out if somebody did this as a joke, or if…copulation was occurring…” Clark’s face turned a light shade of pink.

“Father, my theory is that Todd got himself intoxicated—”

“Chill, kid. I can tell you _that_ is definitely not my ass. Tell them, Dicky.” Bruce was surprised when Dick didn’t admonish him, instead settling for _playfully_ swatting his shoulder. “Oh, you didn’t hear the good news Brucie! We’re fucking again.”

“Congratulations!” Clark offered. “But I have to ask…If that is not Jason’s butt—” he flinched a little at using the word—“would this be…Dick’s…?”

“God, Clark, _no_!” Dick protested. “I swear, we did _not_ have sex on the copy machine.”

“I hate that I am even considering that this an option,” Clark said, “but, Conner, did you and someone from marketing—?”

“I only got eyes for one gorgeous employee,” Conner said, blowing a kiss at Tim from across the room.

“Fuck off,” was the accountant's response.

“Tim, language,” Bruce snapped.

“Nobody is going to fess up?” Clark asked.

“This is your last chance,” Bruce warned.

Silence.

“I thought so.” Bruce pulled a stack of flyers out of the same folder where he kept the photo from the copy machine. “Oliver Queen from Star City is hosting a charity event in New York. Kori, I want you to call Mr. Queen and let him know that my core team will gladly lend him their time to help work the event.”

Groans broke out from everyone in the room.

“I apologize, but if nobody comes forward then everyone is getting punished,” Clark said.

“How do you know it’s one of us?” Cass asked. “It could be anyone from the company.”

“Because whenever there is an _incident_ ,” Bruce practically spat, “it is _always_ one of you. Clear your Friday night, because you’re all going to New York.”

 

 

 

**IV. The Ex-Wife**

“I love you,” Clark chuckled, kissing Bruce on the cheek, “but we cannot cancel Sunday dinners or else we wouldn’t have any way of knowing what our children are up to outside of this office.”

Bruce grunted. “They have grown more intolerable with age.”

“As have you, my love.” Clark’s arm was around his waist and he was nuzzling him, peppering kisses onto his neck.

Bruce’s intercom beeped. “Mr. Wayne, I got a phone call from the receptionist in the lobby. Your ex-wife is here to see you.”

Bruce groaned. “Thank you, Kori.” He allowed Clark to hold him close and rub the tension out of his shoulders. “I can’t deal with this right now.”

“Maybe she’s just here to see Damian,” Clark suggested.

“Not likely. I thought I’d be rid of her once Damian turned eighteen.”

“She’s not so bad,” Clark tried to calm him

“I only managed to put up with her for half a year before we divorced, she moved back to Europe, didn’t tell me she was pregnant, and I had to find out from the tabloids that I had a son, followed by a long custody battle. She’s a nightmare, and she reminds me of the person I used to be.”

Clark smiled in assurance. “Well, the Bruce I married is a generous and empathetic man.” This time Clark kissed him gently on the lips.

“Mr. Wayne, may I send Ms. Al Ghul inside?” Kori asked over the intercom.

Bruce regretfully untangled himself from his husband. “Send her in, Kori.”

The door to his office opened a second after that. She looked almost the same since the last time he saw her. Her skin was flawless and glowing, her hair long and silky, and clothes designer and tailored to perfection. “Hello, Bruce,” she greeted in her naturally sultry voice. “It’s been too long.”

“Almost two years.” Not long enough in Bruce’s opinion.

“Hello, Talia,” Clark greeted politely.

“Yes, hello,” she said dismissively before giving her full attention to Bruce. “I am here to discuss that which we hold close and dear to our hearts.”

“Damian.”

Talia nodded. From out of her Kate Spade bag she pulled a magazine and tossed it on Bruce’s desk. On the cover was Damian, an arm wrapped around Colin, as they took a stroll through London. The title read “Kent-Wayne Successor Damian Wayne In Love With Mystery Man?” They had just returned from their trip last night. News obviously travelled fast.

“I had my father’s men look into this boy,” Talia said, “and I do not like what they found. I am concerned that they have managed to carry out a relationship right underneath your nose.”

“They didn’t go behind my back,” Bruce corrected her.

Talia’s frown deepened. “I do not understand. Why would you approve of our son, with everything he could ever want to be happy, entering into a relationship with a boy who comes from nothing and who has no prospects?”

Bruce should have known that Talia would not have been happy over Damian’s new relationship with Colin. Although Bruce had his doubts in the beginning, he warmed up to Colin once he was sure that he was not going to take advantage of Damian’s wealth or fame. Bruce did not mind conferring with Talia on matters regarding Damian in which they were both concerned parties, but when it came to disagreements like this, Bruce preferred that Talia talk to Damian alone.

“Our son is in his office if you wish to speak with him,” Bruce said, “but do not expect him to like what you have to say.”

Talia grabbed the magazine and put it back in her bag. She tapped her manicured French tips on his desk in irritation. “I do not like when you avoid me, Beloved,” she purred.

Bruce coughed awkwardly, sending his husband an apologetic look. “Talia, our son is an adult. I do not have a problem with him carrying out a relationship with Colin. However, if you do, you will have to speak with him.” Talia crossed her arms, not pleased with his answer and clearly not ready to leave. Bruce sighed, took out his cell phone, and dialed his son’s number.

_“Hello?”_

“Your mother is in my office.”

Damian sighed. _“What does she want?”_

“She’s worried about you.”

_“She’s either worried about me or upset with me.”_

“Of course, she is. She’s your mother, and she loves you.” Talia’s stance relaxed when she heard him say that. “I want you to take her to lunch today. Please, be patient with her and remember that she wants what’s best for you.”

_“You’re my least favorite father.”_

“I’ll let Clark know.” Bruce hung up. “He’s yours for the afternoon,” he said to his ex. “While you coddle him, remind him what manners are.”

 

 

 

 

**V. The Charity Event**

Bruce nodded in fake interest as the reality star continued to tell him about her show’s ratings. He had no idea how much longer he could keep up the act, because he had more to drink than he usually permitted himself and was a little tipsy. He had no idea how she got invited to this event since celebrities were only sent invitations for specific events; he had a suspicion that he snuck in, but he didn’t have the heart to have her escorted out. She wasn’t doing much harm. 

“Excuse me, but I must steal my husband,” Clark smoothly interrupted. “A potential partner wants to discuss some business.” The reality star looked like she had no idea what Clark was talking about. He took Bruce by the hand and led him away into a new crowd of people.

“Thank you.”

“To anyone else you may have looked engaged, but I know when my husband is screaming internally.” He took a glass of champagne off of a passing tray and handed it to Bruce. “You also look like you could use another one of these.”

“I really could,” Bruce agreed, downing the entire glass in one gulp. “And now I am tipsy.”

Clark cleared his throat and adjusted his tie. “That usually means…”

“That I’m horny, yes, and it’s been a difficult week.” Bruce leaned into Clark, felt secure with the strong arm wrapped around his waist. “I knew this would happen, so I have a limo waiting outside to take us to New York where I have a suite booked for us. Just a low-key vacation in the Big Apple.”

“Bruce—”

“And we’ll be back in time for Sunday dinner.”

Clark laughed pulled Bruce even closer toward him and kissed him fully on the mouth, leaning him back a little to press the kiss even deeper. He pulled away only an inch before giving Bruce one last soft kiss. “I take it we’ll be sneaking out of here without telling anyone?”

“Maybe followed by a quickie in the back of the limo,” Bruce purred, the blood flowing trough is body going to his groin.

He was definitely tipsy.

 

 

 

 

**VI. The Late Night**

“Honey, it’s getting late, and you missed dinner twice this week.”

Bruce looked up from the contract he was reading. Clark stood in the doorway of his office with his coat on and the car keys in his hand. He looked at his phone screen, which said it was just past seven. It was dark outside and everyone had probably left the office by now. “Just let me finish reading this contract.”

“Isn’t that what the lawyers are for?” Clark asked with a chuckle, walking behind the desk to lean over his shoulder.

“You know I like to be informed.”

“That’s why you run a successful business.”

Bruce turned his head to properly peck his husband on the lips. “ _We_ run a successful business,” he corrected.

“We also have a home office so we don’t have to stay here so late,” Clark reminded him.

“I’m sorry,” Bruce apologized. He held up the contract for Clark to look up. “The Lex Corp lawyers made additional changes _again_ , and they are not making this deal easy. If we can’t come to an agreement, we may have to back out.”

Clark hummed. “Come on,” he said, ushering Bruce out of his chair. “Let me drive home, and you can look it over in the car. Give it to the lawyers tomorrow.”

Bruce sighed. “I’ll probably be up until midnight looking through this.” He placed the contract in a folder and put the folder in his briefcase. “I’m sorry,” he said again.

“We’ve both had late nights before,” Clark said with a smile. “You know the drill. I’ll warm up dinner, bring it to you in the office. Actually, what if I run you a bath? I’ll scrub your back while you read.”

Bruce pulled Clark into a hug and sighed in content at the warmth of his embrace. “I love you.” He felt Clark’s chest rumble when he chuckled.

“And I love you.”

Bruce didn’t know how he got so lucky.


End file.
